To just…write

As I gazed down at the gutter on our walk this morning, littered with a Hello Kitty sticker and a few scattered leaves, I thought, today, I want to just write.  For me.  No pressure to create a new recipe, make a challenging craft project or worry about how many “likes” I get on this post , but to just ramble a few words and sit back and reflect.

We’ve been in our new “old” home for a mere 3 1/2 months and although it seems like it’s already been years, I need to stop and just reflect a bit.  To stop stressing over the pile of unopened boxes, the ever-growing list of upgrades that the house needs and the money we need to sink into making the yard perfect.   Instead of worrying about my new job which isn’t my exact favorite thing; staring at spreadsheets and columns of programming jargon,  and worrying about driving into the 2nd most dangerous city in the US on a daily basis, I need to just chill.  Reflect and be grateful.  Yes, I have a tendency to get impatient when things aren’t perfect or don’t conform to my plans, but heck, I have a job!  I have gotten caught up in a wave of urgency and busy-ness that is constantly telling me, “you need to keep looking for another job that pays better” and “you have to get the house in ship shape order in case anyone drops by”.  trees1

How about I just sit the heck back and enjoy it?  Enjoy the people at my job; they are some of the most fascinating I’ve met in a long time.  The woman who brings in her “welfare food” to share and the one who eats a salad consisting of all croutons, cheese and no veggies.  Or just take a few minutes to sit in the grass and enjoy my incredible yard even though I can hear the constant whizzing of cars on the turnpike.  Heck, I didn’t even have grass at our home in Colorado. I mean, look at these trees!  trees2 trees3I’m truly in a suburban oasis of sorts.  Where else can you access two of NJ’s busiest freeways, smell the roasting of coffee beans from the coffee plant a mile away and still catch a glimpse of a family of wild turkeys strolling across your front yard?

trees4

Today, I will just chill and write and take a deep breath.  Re-set my internal need for being busy and be grateful for how far we’ve come.  Last year at this time, I was just starting to load the moving pods to move to the Jersey shore.  Little did we know we’d be where we are now.  I mean, God was so patient with me in particular.  He made it all possible to move to the shore where I thought I’d be happy.  Then, the worst winter in decades turned my thoughts of “wow, how fun to have the whole shore to ourselves” into, “holy crap, I can’t live another day without being near family and friends or a Starbucks.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’d take a 50 acre farm anyday, but there’s something to be said about being around people.  So, He knew what He was doing and it’s all a part of a bigger plan.  I couldn’t see His plan then, and I still can’t see what He has in store for us next, but, I’m going to sit tight for today.  Sit tight, enjoy my house, the gorgeous trees, my new neighborhood, and just be.  I couldn’t be more happy with where we are now and what God has done for us in the last 365 days.  I didn’t think I would ever be happy in south “jersey” but I am, darn it.  And He had to bring us through the dark times to open our minds to His plan.  See?  His plan was for us to be here all along.  My plan that I forced on Him of living at the beach ended up to be a bad idea. I said last year, “ok, I’ll move to NJ but only if we can live at the beach.”  And He let that happen, but He also had a perfect way of gently showing that it was not the place for us.  It was hard, but the changes we experienced over those dark months at the shore showed what He wanted for us and our “wants” aligned with His wants.  Now THAT, is beautiful!  And now that we’re here, it couldn’t be any sweeter.   I. Am. Blessed.  Besides, a new Whole Foods just opened up down the street. 😉

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6 comments

  1. Kathleen,
    You made me cry. You are such a beautiful person. I am glad for you that you and Jeff are in south “jersey” and close to your parents. I remember your Grandpa Keith and Grandma Marie at always the same time each year having made that long drive from So California to Boise. Every year that you and your mom and dad, and then Carol they were there. They loved your Mom and Dad and you girls. They were so warm and welcoming to me and my family. Keep it up.

    Love,
    Bob

  2. Oh I love this post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I haven’t been around for a while and by reading this and your most recent post I had just found out you began working. Congratulations on your new job!:) I’m glad to hear that. And a Whole Foods nearby? Yay! 🙂

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